Destiny or Choice - Judas a tragedy

Friday, November 21, 2014

Barred Gates of a Citadel



A newspaper item  read thus:  A business partner of the iconic store in south Mumbai  killed himself on Tuesday allegedly over a property dispute with his brother.

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines brother as a boy or man who has one or both of the same parents as you. A brother is one of the closest relatives a person can have and a person he has grown up with since birth. Best friends refer each other as brothers.

It is really a tragedy where one brother holds the other accountable for the extreme action he has taken in his suicide note. One has lost his life, but several lives are impacted, there is a grieving widow, a young girl does not have a father, perhaps a confused mother and the surviving brother and his family the cynosure of legal and police investigations. It would take a long time to get healing in this case, perhaps even a lifetime may not be enough.

The newspapers reported that this was a culmination of years of disputes  and irritations on some property matters. Perhaps no member of the family guessed what was happening in the mind of the late brother. Suicides have that element of suspense. Our own self-centredness prevents us from perceiving  how fragile the emotions of a loved one are.

Were all those fights really worth it after all?  A verse in the book of Proverbs reads...  A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel. Proverbs 18:19.  In these kind of disputes between family members, one does not know who is wronged more, but all parties feel equally wronged and their positions become very adamant.  

A family is expected to be a place where there is love and affection. Disputes only lead to rigid stances and these are manifest at work, school, play and leisure.  

In my view the essentials are quite simple for a happy family life... they are  Values, Respect and Dialogue. The values we cherish are the foundation of our lives. Having shared values as a family makes for a very strong family.

Lack of respect is easily perceived, and respect to each other in a family does help in understanding our differences and find ways to blend. Fathers are responsible to ensure that there is dialogue between members.

Respect and Dialogue would help open many a barred gate and make even sworn enemies march towards friendship, why should it be any different amongst families?